apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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