She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
