I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
