So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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