I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
