then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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