why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
