I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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