Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

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(716): View more from New York

I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

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(804): View more from Virginia

The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."

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(619): View more from California

Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.

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(703): View more from Virginia

you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack

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(319): View more from Iowa

QUICK FAX ME THE BALL

(1-319): View more from Iowa

Not how faxing works at all btw

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