Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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