i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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