your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
