plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
