Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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