porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize