Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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