I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
