it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
