Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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