This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
