dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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