FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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