why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
