pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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