Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
