some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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