I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
