According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize