I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
