I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
