Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
