I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
