so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We left the knife in your bed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
