my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize