you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
