my sisters under your porch take her home
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
