9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
