i will never coherently bang her
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
