I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
