The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
