so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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