I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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