You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
