Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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