dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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