I CAN MOONWALK!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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