So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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