I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
