go do what you do best...puke behind churches
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
