One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
