he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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