my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
