When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i out mim tonsoeep
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
