I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
