Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
