I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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