my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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