I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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