What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize