The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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