i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
