I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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