i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
