i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize