I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
