i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
