after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
