How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
