So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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