Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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