Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
